On Thanksgiving day, I will be 50 years old. I'm pretty impressed with that because, well, I have never been 50 years old. Today, in the mail, I got a invitation (for 16 bucks) to join the AARP. I think I just might, to celebrate. I've looked at women 50 and older. A lot of them are really cool, and they look pretty put together. I want to be cool and put together, too. I'm not, though. I got some work to do and some ugly to get rid of. You see, I'm easily angered, and my feelings get hurt. These two things just don't fit with the Bible's definition of love. If I want to really follow Jesus Christ and not just be a hypocrite, I got to get rid of these two things. There are some people I'm seriously angry with. There are some people that have really hurt my feelings. The weird thing is they either don't know this, or, sick as this is, they don't care. I really would like to "tell them off", but my fear is that they won't care. I told my daughter to let a friend of hers know that she had hurt my daughter's feelings. I believed that it was the right thing to do, and according to the Scripture about talking it out with someone who offends you, it was. This was last June. The girl dropped my daughter's friendship. Oh, she was embarrassed about the way she treated my daughter, maybe even sorry. But that was it. A 13 year old friendship meant nothing to her. That causes me to pause. I once told off a person who had asked me if I had enjoyed burying my dad because, well, she reasoned, he was a Christian, and death is a time to celebrate. Yes and no. He is in heaven with his heavenly Father. But, frankly, I would have preferred him staying here a bit more. She never got in trouble, but I sure did. My whole family paid the price for this. I have forgiven her easily because I figured she was just young, and people say the stupidest things when other people lose loved ones. I struggled with her boss, our pastor. He told my husband that what she did was wrong, but he had to take her side because he was her boss. A 10 year relationship meant nothing to him. Truthfully, I'm not too keen getting close to another pastor. That shouldn't be my attitude. A 50 year old woman should take people as they really are, not compare them to people of her past. I struggle with hurt feelings. I really would like this not to be so. This summer I learned something sad about a friend of mine. She did not support me, or my decision to home school. I found out after she let me know how unimportant it was for her family to come to my son's graduation. I really don't know what to say to her. Any mother in her right mind would know how much this would hurt another mother. A 17 year friendship meant nothing to her. Or, is it all a misunderstanding? The rude comments that her husband and oldest son made about homeschoolers, were they just jokes or real insecurities? What if that's it? This family was just insecure with the choices they made. I think their choices were pretty good ones. But it really doesn't matter what I think. What would Jesus really do in this situation? Forgiveness seems to be the right thing, every time. Yes, obviously, it is tough. Today I remembered working in a place where some of the people did not like me because of the color of my skin. I really could not believe it. I just wasn't raised around that, and I really don't get it. When it happened 22 years ago, I was angry, and my feelings hurt. I just could not understand someone disliking me for such a lame reason. How can you fix that relationship? I can't change my color. It makes you mad. But, still, forgiveness is the right thing. Even in this extremely stupid situation. Forgiveness. I really want God to forgive me all the time that I blow it, and there are a whole lot of times I blow it. He does. I just thought of something I have never thought before. God actually forgave us before we asked, for example, when Jesus asked for forgiveness for us while He was on the cross, saying that we did not know what we were doing. So, I really don't need to wait to forgive people when they ask for it. I can just choose to forgive them and let it go. I sure would like it to be easy. Maybe with practice, it can be. Definitely with God's help, it will be. So, as I turn 50, I'm going to look to Jesus. I'm going to forgive and forget what is behind me. I'm going to live in the freedom Christ gave me. I'm going to reach for the goal, and by God's grace, I'm going to be cool and put together. Have a great week.
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